Dolly Parton’s Dixie Stampede is surely the most unusual dinner experience I’ve ever had. Civil War? Yes. Silverware? Nope. With huge animals and constant audience participation, it’s an awful lot to wrap your head around. Still even someone like me, who is rarely willing to suspend his disbelief, was completely won over eventually. 

When I called the Dixie Stampede offices for dinner reservations, the woman found a good pair of tickets… but they were on the north side. Was that all right? ”I suppose that’s fine,” I said. “I’ve never been there.” She immediately perked up and told me about the plot – deciding who wins the Civil War, with unlimited Pepsi. In that case, OK!

But once I got in the huge shed, I was suddenly skeptical. The flying/dancing Native American bird-man threw me for a loop, but at least the biscuit was tasty. The night progressed like that way for a while – bulls and horses stomping around, then a baked potato. Singing Southern Belles, then a tiny whole chicken. (But no cheese. Well, maybe a little.) That night, the North side – oh now I get it — lost the Civil War, but how about those gals straddled on racing ostriches! I loved that, honestly. I didn’t know you could race an ostrich, but I guess my head has been in the sand.

The horseback rider Dusty Crane wholly impressed me, riding two horses while standing up, along with a ton of other tricks. But the showstopper (of course) was Dolly Parton, who appears on the jumbo screen with an encore of “Color Me America.” You can probably imagine the red, white and blue hoopla that follows. Sure, it’s totally over the top, but I can guarantee you this – it’s the most memorable meal you’ll ever have in Pigeon Forge.